TOP TEN: Tips for Earning Your Festival Tickets

In the wake of Splendour in the Grass’ record breaking 2012 ticket sales – a very well-publicised 43 minute sell-out, in fact – and Radiohead selling out in seconds earlier in the year, there are a lot of people begrudging their misfortunes.

I didn’t personally bother trying to get Radiohead tickets because as much as I love me some Thom Yorke I’m not one of those people who $130-a-night loves Thom Yorke.

If I wanted Radiohead tickets though, I would have gotten them. I’m dedicated and relentless when it comes to the business of purchasing concert and festival tickets. I do not know the sadness of missing out and I haven’t since middle school, when I grew out of my chubby, gap-toothed awkward stages, developed acne and started listening to a lot of Garbage. (Sidenote: I $130-a-night love Shirley Manson, and I’m not afraid to say it.)

The point is, I’m here to tell you that it’s all your fault. After a week of militant planning and panic attacks, I secured Splendour tickets and am plotting my triumphant journey to Byron Bay comes June. And though I know this is one of those things that I’m supposed to think and not say (like “It’s not that I’m smarter than the other people in my tute, it’s just that they’re not as smart as me” or “Wow, I am actually the most attractive person in this room”), the best part about Splendour won’t be the killer line up or the chilled out atmosphere, but the sense of superiority I feel knowing that other people missed out and I didn’t.

Schadenfraude is truly the best feeling in the world.

As I am arguably Purple Sneakers’ most anal retentive hyper-stresshead, I’m here to outline some tips and tricks that will ensure that you never miss out on a festival or concert of your desire ever again. Don’t say I’ve never done anything for ya.

PREPARATION

Like every good Boy or Girl Scout, you should be prepared. Make sure you bookmark the page that tickets will actually be sold on – not the homepage of the website. This way, you can jump right into the queue for tickets without having to detour via the front page.

You should also be sure that you actually have the money available on the card you’ll be using to purchase your tickets. If you’ve made plans to buy tickets for friends, make sure they’ve given you the cash. If they haven’t, don’t buy their tickets for them. At this point, they’re Frodo, heading uncertainly into the fires of Mordor. They’re Regina George, attempting to sit at the cool table wearing sweat pants on a Monday. Get the picture?

Register with the site tickets will be released on, if you can. First of all, it’s just good common sense, as they’re an avenue through which you can buy tickets for international and local events, and their newsletters will become an invaluable source of information about upcoming gigs and new artists that might interest you. More importantly though, registering your information will save you precious minutes when you’re duking it out with the thousands of other punters angling for your tickets.

Add your credit card details to your profile, where possible. Even if you have your credit card number and CCV memorised from far too many pay checks wasted buying Finding Nemo figurines, vaguely tribal necklaces made in China and expensive camera lenses for your DSLR, you’ll be thankful to save time. Nothing’s worse than being pressed by serious time constraints and losing out on tickets because you entered a ‘5’ as the first number of your credit card when really it’s a ‘6’.

Seriously, don’t be that douche bag.

If you can, clear your schedule. God knows how long you’ll be in the queue for tickets.

JUST DON’T BE AN IDIOT

Once you’re on the site, don’t refresh. I shouldn’t even have to explain this to you. You’re entering into a queue and no one – I repeat, no one – is going to hold your spot if you step out of the line. They didn’t do it in middle school and they’re not going to start any time soon just because you’re imagining we live in a magical world of smiles and rainbows. If people do tend to let you get away with this sort of behaviour, I have some good news for you – you’re attractive! The bad news is, I don’t like you, and one day your looks are going to fade. Also, no one can see you when you’re queuing online (which is just as well because you’re probably going to look feverish and deranged).

MIX IT UP

It’s also important to note that you can often purchase tickets online and over the phone. Try both. I’ve been told that a steady, persistent redial pattern can be just as effective as a streamlined, overly efficient approach at online purchase of tickets.

IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS, EXPLOIT THEM

Tag team it, too. If you’re going with friends, make sure that they try and get online as well so that you can overload the servers and ensure that the site – and everyone trying to access it – is forced to withstand an impenetrable lag, thereby getting all up in everybody else’s business and doing super effective damage to the competition. If you’re going on your own or with a small group, rope your minions – and by minions I of course mean friends – into helping out. Make sure they’re registered on the site too and, if you feel uncomfortable giving them your credit card details, make sure they have your Paypal login information – many sites, including Moshtix and Ticketek accept Paypal as an alternative to credit payment. (You can always change your password right after the tickets are secured.)

If you’re going to operate in a buddy system, make sure you stay in contact on the day while you’re trying to get your tickets to ensure that you don’t purchase more than one set. (I recommend the tried and tested conference call but there are many alternatives, like Facebook chat, Skype, and any number of instant messengers. Text messages can also be effective, provided your friends aren’t bins who are incapable of checking their phones.) The key here is to pick your bossiest, most irritating friend and ensure that they micromanage every step of the way – good leadership is key to success.

KNOW (AND TEST) YOUR LIMITS

Let’s use Splendour in the grass as a case study. Here, we’re assessing the importance of prior research and planning.

Keep going until tickets are sold out. Splendour is not for the weak. Splendour is Valhalla on Earth – a heaven for the warriors. What I’m trying to say here is, if you give up out of frustration after fifteen minutes in a queue or green room, you’re a pansy and I’m glad that I won’t be subjected to camping next to you. You’d probably go straight to bed after the last act and actually take showers, anyways.

Know your options. Do your research. Invariably, camping tickets will sell out before event tickets and once you make it to that booking page, there’s no time to ‘umm’ and ‘ah’ or agonise over whether or not you can still commit. Know before you begin the process whether or not you’re willing to purchase an event ticket and find accommodation nearby-ish. Research your options – do you have friends in Byron? If so, why didn’t you bully them into letting you take advantage of presale? – and ensure you decision is educated; accommodation in Byron Bay won’t come cheap. If you can’t pull that rabbit out of your hat, promptly exit the booking page and let someone else take their turn.

But let’s say you’re not attending Splendour. Let’s say, like friends of mine, you’ve planned a trip to Coachella, Pukkelpop, Bestival or Glastonbury. Maybe your favourite band like, ever is coming to Australia but they’re only playing shows in Melbourne and Sydney and you – for some godforsaken reason known to me – live in Tasmania. (Just kidding, guys, I’m sure I’d love Tasmania if I could ever think of a reason I’d like to travel there.)

Regardless of your situation, if the gig of your choice involves you travelling or staying in a foreign area, know and understand the cost of your travels and make sure you consider them before you make a commitment – however loose – to a debauched night [or nights] of music and alcohol. If you can afford the $100 ticket but can’t afford the $700 cost of travel and accommodation (and the unreasonable amount of money you’ll spend on merch, alcohol and drunkenly bartering with strangers for cigarettes of unknown origin) then you can’t actually afford the ticket. It’s quite simple. I did Not-Terribly-Smart-Peeps Maths in high school and even I can figure it out.

And there you have it: a concise, yet comprehensive guide to purchasing tickets when competition is high and your desire to hold those crisp pieces of thin, colourful cardboard in your sweaty little hands is rampant.

Words by Cheryl Billman