The Gurner’s Guide to Future Music Festival

Nowadays, it is common for promoters to provide a list of ‘dos’ and ‘don'ts’ in their festival guides to help virgin attendees make the most of their festival experience. Though useful, these guides often overlook the most essential elements of festival-going. The following addresses some crucial but oft-ignored factors, with some handy tips included to help punters make the most of their Future Music Festival experience.

• Wear versatile or adaptable clothing
• Do not interpret literally artist names or lyrics. A suggestive title like ‘KNIFE PARTY’ is NOT an artist’s expectation of, or invitation to their audience.
• Convince a naïve attendee that Jessie J and Ruby Rose are the same person
• Free-ball
• Steal Timmy Trumpet’s trumpet
• Dance like your dad
• Make friends with ugly people
• Party animals - spare us all your shame and heed the good word of Corey Hart*
• DO NOT bum cigarettes
• DO NOT bum strangers
• DO NOT shit in the portaloo sink
• Avoid bar queues. Consider BYO***
• Take pictures of people as they come out of the toilet
• Say NO to dagwood dogs, sideways caps, flip-flops, bourbon, fluro, artist-themed clothing, fist-pumping, letting pretty girls sit on your shoulders and vitamin water (generally)
• Say YES to pre-drinks, post-drinks, during-drinks, photos with strangers and gozleme
• Take a ride on a disco stick

Follow these simple guidelines and you can have a gay old time!

*

 ***currently awaiting official FMF approval

Words by Dominic Sciberras.

Check out our MUST SEE FUTURE MUSIC ACTS.